Chapter 15

Sunday dragged on like someone hauling a heavy chain across the floor. Good thing Tommy stayed glued to his computer, lost in his own world, not wanting to bring up… that with me. I took the chance to do what I used to do way back and had almost forgotten: played video games in the living room, lounging on the couch in cutoff shorts, an old t-shirt, and an ice-cold beer in hand. That kind of simple pleasure you forget when you’re buried too deep in life’s bullshit.

He still slept in the bed with me. In my head, that wasn’t even an issue — we’d been on autopilot for a while. And he only slid in when I was already out cold. But not that night. He decided to hit the hay early, right next to me, like he hadn’t done in years. He settled in on the bed and started talking about plans for the house… Something he’d NEVER, EVER done before. And there I was, listening, not knowing what the hell it meant. If it was some awkward attempt to get close again or just a burst of responsibility, who knows.

But, of course… he circled back to it.

“That guy from the video… tell me about him?”

I took a deep breath. I knew sooner or later he’d drag it up again, it was inevitable. It felt weird him bringing it back now, like this, lying next to me, in this almost casual tone. I decided to be more honest this time… with some holdbacks, of course. Not everything needs to be laid out.

“I met him that day… It was kinda crazy. I was upset, wasn’t thinking straight.”

Silence. He stared at the ceiling, like he was digesting the info with a knot in his gut.

“Regret doing it?”

That one hit me. I’d never even asked myself that. I stared straight ahead, at nothing, searching for any twinge of regret. There wasn’t any. Not even a shadow. But I wasn’t sure if throwing that raw truth in his face was right… or just cruel.

I let out the air slow, closed my eyes for a second, trying to brace myself, but it was pointless… no way to soften it.

“Tommy… to be honest… No. Not one bit.”

He let out a dry laugh, not looking at me.

“Oh, cool. Glad you enjoyed it.”

I turned to him, like I was searching for something… maybe a flash of anger, maybe jealousy… or any emotion that showed he was still in there, alive, feeling. But his face was blank, shut down, and that confused me more than if he’d smashed everything.

“And you? You… looking for someone?”

My voice came out low, kinda husky. I still got jealous, sure. Ridiculous, but yeah.

“Actually, no. Haven’t looked for anything like that. I’m… good like this.”

“You sure?” I pressed, glancing sideways, trying to read his tone. “You seem off.”

He gave a half-smile, almost sad.

“I know… I thought it’d bother me… but… it didn’t. It’s weird.”

I stayed quiet for a second, just listening to his breathing, that emptiness between us stretching out. I decided to steer the talk where it needed to go… lay out what we’d agreed on.

“So that’s it? I go out… hook up with whoever I want… until you find a place to crash?”

“Yeah… Just…” he took a deep breath “just don’t make it too obvious. To protect yourself… and so I don’t end up looking like a total cuck.”

I let out a little laugh, kinda bitter.

“And… where you gonna go?”

“My parents’ beach house… maybe.”

“That’s far out…”

“Yeah.”

All I could do was nod. The truth was… I didn’t want to end things with him. Not really. The problem was he’d turned into this weird parasite over time… a shadow of who he used to be. If he was an active guy, if he made moves, if he wanted it… we’d be way better off. But he got… passive, apathetic. And I couldn’t carry both of us alone.

He went quiet for a bit… and when he spoke, it was in that way he always did, like dropping a bomb in the middle of the room, casual as hell.

“Tell me… how was it?”

I turned my face, confused.

“How do you mean?”

“How was it… what he did that was so good… that you liked…”

I felt embarrassed right away, throat went dry.

“Oh… I don’t know if I can… What do you wanna know?”

He shrugged, not even looking at me.

“He fuck good?”

I closed my eyes, bit my lip… and said it, ‘cause lying didn’t make sense anymore.

“Damn… yeah. He’s… a machine.”

He let out a muffled laugh, kinda cynical.

“Better than me?”

I swallowed hard, thought about lying… but what was the point?

“Oh… can’t really compare… it’s different… there was a lot of new stuff involved… that made it… really good.”

The truth? Yeah, he was better. The guy took care of himself, moved, cared about getting me off… Tommy, not so much. I liked fucking him, liked it a lot, but… he stopped trying, it turned into this obligation, a lukewarm routine, a memorized script. But… with him… with Tommy… there was love. A lot. And that always made it intense. The word might sound off, but… it was comfortable. Like… like I was home.

Hard to explain. Really hard.

“What was the best position you guys did?”

I let out the air slow, thinking… and didn’t even notice when the answer slipped out.

“Let me think… I guess… doggy. There was this moment… damn…”

And, weirdly, I kept going, spilling details I didn’t even want to, like he was… hell, some confidant buddy for this shit. And as I talked, he kept asking questions, pulling me in, making me relive it all… every detail, every sensation. And I… I was enjoying it without realizing, letting out nervous laughs, words tumbling out loose, no filter.

And while I talked… my body started heating up under the covers, slow… a warmth climbing my thighs, my chest, up to my face. And when I squirmed, curled up, got that delicious little tingle… like a silent warning: “you’re starting to get turned on by this.”

He noticed. Of course he did.

“Damn… must’ve been amazing.” He shifted, sitting up in bed, with that irritating calm, like he knew the next move. “And to prove I like hearing it…”

He grabbed my hand. And I let him. Innocent, or pretending to be. We’d always had that intimacy… no boundaries there.

“Look here…”

He pulled my hand, placing it on his cock, hidden under the blanket but out of his shorts. When I felt it… that hard, hot, throbbing flesh… my whole body sent up an alarm, a shock running down my spine and landing straight in my pussy.

But it was too late. That shit had me hooked.

Still, I protested, in a weak whisper, no real force to pull away.

“Tommy… no… don’t do this… Please…”

But my hand didn’t move from there. Neither did he let go. Nor did I pull back. And there was this thick silence between us, like the air was stuck in both our throats. Him with that stupid little grin… and me, wondering if it was worth fucking this up. ‘Cause that’s what it was… fucking up. I was gonna separate, for fuck’s sake. Giving hope would be… cruel. A mistake.

“Show me… how you did it with him.”

My hand was still there, frozen, kinda tense. Not moving, but… not leaving either.

“You know how I did it…” I said, half impatient, half wanting to shut it down before it was too late. “I did it the same way I do with you… Stop being silly.”

And, without noticing, my hand went slack… fingers relaxed… settled over his cock. Hot, hard, pulsing. That dangerous familiarity.

“You want… it to happen again with him?”

I took a deep breath. My chest rose slow… and when I let it out, a laugh escaped. From happiness. From desire. From not giving a damn about right anymore.

“Yeah…”

He smiled, kinda sideways, and dropped his guard even more.

“Can I confess something?”

“Go ahead…” I said, laughing, raising an eyebrow. “We’re already spilling so many…”

My fingers, like they had a mind of their own, wrapped around his cock, instinctively. Closing around it, feeling the heat, the weight. And it started… the automatic movement, unconscious, like breathing without thinking.

“I… I never imagined you were that wild…” he said, voice kinda shaky, kinda impressed. “Doing it with a woman… then a threesome… I feel… kinda guilty, you know… for not exploring that side of you right.”

I laughed, shaking my head, eyes still locked on what my hand was doing without even asking permission.

“Nah… you obsessed over that for a while.” I rolled my eyes. “I even told Manu… the only thing that made me feel guilty… was doing it after we broke up… ‘cause you kept bugging me about it.”

And as I talked, my fingers, already gripping his cock, went in a slow back-and-forth, almost lazy, almost distracted… but so natural. So automatic. Like knowing exactly what you’re doing… without even thinking.

And when I turned to look at his face, that’s when the train of our relationship derailed again.