Chapter 17

It was me on the screen. On all fours, getting fucked by another guy. In the background, Manu’s voice egging me on, laughing, like it was the most natural thing in the world. I watched it with my heart pounding, a hot wave of shame creeping up my neck. It felt like I was drugged, in a trance, giving in in a way I didn’t even recognize. Anyone who didn’t know me would think it was over-the-top, cheap acting, but I knew… it was real. I remembered the feeling of being fucked like that, the bed shaking, my skin sweating, the cum dripping. But now, seeing it there, next to Tommy, the video I’d sent him myself, it hurt different. It had a bitter taste. I’d regretted it the second I hit “send,” but I’d held firm. Now, watching the scene on the TV, I regretted it even more.

“Tommy, turn that off. I don’t feel good.”

He didn’t say a word. He just clicked on his phone and paused the video. And on the huge TV screen, there I was: on all fours, with a cock buried all the way inside me, my skin slick and dripping, my asshole peeking out between my spread thighs. I didn’t even know it looked like that. Spread open, drooling, slutty. And the pause, in that frozen frame, was more embarrassing than if he’d let it play to the end.

“Sorry, I thought it’d be cool to watch it together.” He paused, waiting for my reaction that wasn’t coming. “Looks like you didn’t like it, huh?”

“No…”

He took the video off the TV, handed me back my phone, and got up without a word. No good night. I didn’t give one either. He went to the bathroom, stayed in there a few minutes, and when he came out, he headed straight to the computer. He didn’t come back. Sometimes he slept in the office when he stayed up super late gaming, just so he wouldn’t wake me. But that night, I knew… it wasn’t out of consideration. It was real distance.

I stayed there on the bed for a while, frozen, not blinking, the room stuffy, the fan’s hum cutting through the silence. Then I got up, went to the bathroom, turned on the light, and stared at myself in the mirror. There was something off about my face, a tired look, something kinda dull. Without thinking, I ran a brush through my hair. It was late, I was gonna sleep, but I felt ugly, you know? The kind of ugly that’s not about makeup or clothes, it’s an ugliness that comes from inside. I brushed my teeth and sat down to pee, trying to sort out my head.

On my phone, a message from Manu.

“So? Any news, boss lady?”

I didn’t reply. There was nothing to say. I couldn’t think. Couldn’t rationalize anything. It was this weird mix of shame, horniness, cheap moralizing, and a heat between my legs that just wouldn’t quit. I knew something was wrong. Or thought I did. Because when he played that video, the one of the guy fucking me, I got turned on, of course I did. Tommy knew. When he kept asking questions, making me talk, it was hard to hold back. But then it gets real. Shows up there, huge, actual. And he… normalizes it. Like it’s routine. Like it’s just another one of our dirty little games. And that… that messes with you. It’s fire.

I finished and looked at my panties.

“Yeah… can’t sleep in these.”

They were soaked. Wet in an indecent way. I grabbed them, went to the sink, washed them with soap, rubbing carefully to cover up the crime. Wrung them out good, hung them on the shower curtain. Brushed my teeth, did my creams, trying to stick to the routine like it was any old night. But it wasn’t. Even after cleaning up, drying off right, I could feel it. It kept dripping. A hot little trickle coming from inside, running down my thighs, leaving me even more pissed off.

“Fuck this horniness that won’t go away. Damn it, Tommy… I hate you so much!”

That’s when the idea hit to get myself off. But the truth is, I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d touched myself alone. Never been good at it. Lacked imagination, focus, the mood. To make it work, I needed to be insanely horny and in a super quiet spot. I did have a vibrator — well, an old massager — that always did the job. Masturbation, for me, was never romantic. It was practical. I’d just rub till the genie came out of the bottle. Never been one to fantasize about people, memories, scenes. My head didn’t help.

“Though there’s the video…” I said to myself, kinda without thinking.

Maybe today was the day to try. Because if I lay down like this, with all this pent-up lust, I knew I wouldn’t sleep.

I closed the toilet lid, leaned against it right there, trying to find a halfway comfortable position. And I felt ridiculous. That pose, that place, that attempt… it gave me this teenage vibe of discovering my body hidden in my parents’ bathroom. But the heat between my legs was there, insistent, thick, almost throbbing. And I… I was on the edge. Maybe that’s what I needed: to let go. Even if it was just to get some sleep.

And I started. Let my fingers slide over it, slow, spreading my own wetness. It was hot, dripping, the musky scent of my arousal rising in the air like a reminder of what I’d tried to ignore. Right away, my body responded, that shiver in my lower belly, the breath catching before it even got ragged. It was gonna happen. I knew it. I rubbed around my clit, light, making slow circles with my fingertips, and it felt good fast. My body was already begging for more, my hips starting to move on their own, and it was like slipping into another state.

I thought of the videos. Grabbed my phone with the other hand and opened the first one. The most recent, the one Tommy had filmed. I watched myself with this detachment, like it was someone else. My mouth sucking slow, saliva dripping, my eyes teasing the camera. The way I gripped his cock with my hand, licked the head deliberate, moaned soft… I saw it all with a mix of shame and heat. That was me. That was me with him. And now I was there, legs spread, touching myself hidden in the bathroom.

I switched to the other video. The heavier one. Me on all fours, getting pounded hard. Manu narrating, telling me to open up more, talk more, cum more. And I obeyed. I ground back, moaned, looked over my shoulder with my face all smeared with lust. Watching that made me moan low, without meaning to. I slid my fingers faster, circling my clit, then right on it, pressing hard. My whole body reacted. My breathing sped up, my thigh muscles started to tremble, and I felt the orgasm building from afar, the kind that creeps up slow and then slams you.

In the next room, the sound of Tommy gaming. His voice low, restrained. Him chuckling softly. Like nothing had happened. And me, there, with my panties hanging on the shower curtain, thighs spread over the toilet lid, phone propped on the sink, fingers buried in my own juices, wondering when everything got so messed up.

I got wetter and wetter, felt it running down my thighs, slicking my fingers. I rubbed with more rhythm, squeezing my clit hard, moaning soft, trying not to make too much noise. But my head wasn’t helping. I thought of the guy, tried to remember his cock, the force, the impact, me riding him while he fucked my ass. But it wouldn’t click. I was close, but not quite. My mind jammed up, like always.

Until she came.

Manu.

The image of her between my legs, licking me while I got fucked. Her tongue on my pussy, on my tits, that way she laughed in the middle of the heat like it was all natural, easy. Her touch, her mouth, that naughty little smirk before she bit me. Her skin rubbing against mine, hot, damp, confident. The second she popped into my head, it all locked in. It was her. Had to be her. My whole body reacted. My hips started bucking on their own, my fingers sped up, the lust exploded between my legs and spread through my chest. My heart pounded in my ears, my breath caught. I was about to cum, and cumming for her.

I climbed, climbed, and then… my body locked. My belly tightened, my shoulders arched, and the orgasm hit hard, raw, silent. The kind that makes the world vanish for a few seconds. The kind that pulls your soul out of your body and lets it drift back slow, tired, relieved, dirty.

I came with Manu in my head. It wasn’t Tommy. Wasn’t the other guy.
It was her. Fucking Manu. And that scared the shit out of me.