Losing My Virginity to My Brother

Chapter 9

When my mom's boyfriend shut the door, I took a deep breath, trying to smother the hurricane swirling inside me. I counted to ten, but the heat between my legs didn't let up. I jumped up, locking the door with shaky hands, like that could hold back my own madness. I was slick, buzzing with electricity. I wanted to do it again, show off, tease, get devoured by the hungry eyes of that man who shouldn't want me.

What the hell had gotten into me? It was like some crazy spirit had taken over my body, guiding every bold move.

The morning flew by in a whirlwind. I couldn't settle down. I kept thinking about Matheus—my half-brother. I needed to see him that afternoon. But I couldn't just leave the house without an explanation.

My cousin, my loyal accomplice in all my adventures, was my way out. I called her and spilled it all at once:

"I'm meeting Matheus today."

"—Straight up."

"And?"

She laughed, already knowing where this was headed.

"I wanna fuck him, and you're gonna cover for me!"

She burst out laughing on the other end, turned on by the confession.

"Go for it! I want all the details later. I'm in class—tell your mom you're meeting me at tutoring."

My mom wouldn't ask too many questions, as long as I came home without smelling like booze or smokes. That was the rule. But today, I wasn't going downstairs to help with lunch. No way. I didn't have the guts to face my stepdad.

That's when a thought hit me that sent a chill down my spine: what if he'd told my mom everything?

But I relaxed quick. He'd be screwed if he opened his mouth, 'cause I'd spin a totally different story. That certainty gave me a weird kind of power, but it also stabbed me with a bit of guilt. I'd always thought he was a decent guy. Better push that thought aside.

I headed to my room, straight to the closet. I needed to figure out what to wear. I stared at the mess of clothes tossed around and muttered under my breath:

"What do girls wear when they wanna fuck?"

I sighed.

I'd never fucked.

I picked out a black lace thong. It wasn't anything special, but it was the closest thing I had to "sexy." The problem came when I realized I didn't have a matching bra—they were all basic, picked just for comfort and to keep the straps from showing under my top. I sighed in frustration.

I set the clothes aside carefully and tossed a few condoms into my bag that I'd gotten at school. I got ready like I was heading into battle, even if it was a battle of nerves and anticipation.

The rest of the morning was a long ritual of prep. I ran through everything I knew in my head—which, to be honest, wasn't much. I ended up Googling tips on how to fuck for the first time without it hurting, plus what to do if the condom broke. Every click ramped up my panic, but pretending I had it under control was my only way out.

When the time came, I grabbed some books and walked to the door.

"I'm meeting my cousin,"

I announced, trying to sound casual.

My stepdad— Cletus—looked at me blank-faced, while my mom yelled the usual:

"Behave! What time you coming back? Where you going?"

He was acting like nothing happened, and that gave me a weird relief. I took a deep breath, trying to keep my cool, and left the house with a bit more guts while yelling back to my mom, turning my back and crossing the threshold.

A bus ride later, I got to his place. It wasn't far—just another one of those suburban houses with a low gate that's always open. The kind of spot where everything feels out in the open for the world to see.

I hurried through the yard, heart pounding hard. From the porch door, I called for him, voice low and anxious. I felt like a criminal, desperate to slip in without being spotted.

As soon as the door opened, I basically barged into the house, dodging the nosy neighbors' eyes. He looked at me with a mix of shock and surprise, probably thinking: "This girl's really crazy to fuck!"

"Dude, if they catch me coming here, I'm fucked!"

I said, laughing nervously.

"Chill, want some water?"

He offered, trying to calm me down.

We went to the kitchen, where the heat still hung heavy, but at least it was a break from the scorching sun. The talk stumbled along, full of shy laughs and awkward pauses. I wanted to push things, ask straight up when he was gonna make a move, beg for a kiss just to kick things off. But nothing happened.

He seemed tense, sometimes going quiet, not knowing what to say. Funny, 'cause over text and with my cousins, he wouldn't shut up. Here, with me, he was locked up.

"Matheus, can't you turn on the AC in your room?"

I asked, wiping sweat from my forehead. "It's so damn hot!"

"During the day, my dad would kill me if I did."

I rolled my eyes.

"Seriously, Matheus? I think he'd kill you for something way worse than the fucking AC on, right?"

I shot back, challenging him.

The room was cramped, stifling. A messy little cube where the smell of teenage funk and dirty clothes mixed with the sour stink of cheap deodorant. A small desk took up space with a gamer computer blinking useless colored lights, clashing with the beat-up wardrobe falling apart. The only spot to sit was the bottom bunk bed, sheets tangled with greasy bedding full of sweat stains, or the gamer chair all torn up and sagging in the middle like it'd held too much weight already.

Attached to the room, a crappy add-on that Cletus had thrown together tried to pass as a bathroom. It was so tiny, two people couldn't fit in there at the same time.

Moving around in that cube was impossible... And him, standing there, so close I could feel his heat, his short breaths. My body was already burning with impatience. I was done with the hesitation. No more wasting time. I threw my arms over his shoulders, pulled his body against mine, no room for doubt, and kissed him. I kissed him hungry, with raw want, sure as hell he wouldn't back out.