Chapter 34

I spent the rest of the day kinda pissed at my mom. I thought she shouldn’t butt into my private life. But, thinking it over, forcing the guy to come over to our house might actually be a good thing. Maybe if my mom met him and liked him, she could even let him sleep in my room with me. That would be the best thing in the world.

But at the same time, I was scared. What if he bolted? What if he freaked out at the idea of commitment? Guys don’t like that stuff much. He might just want the casual fuck and run at the first sign of dating. But I wanted more. I don’t know, to date, to hold hands in public, to have someone to go places with without hiding.

He was a decent guy. Older than me, had a car, a job, some plans for the future. Not a deadbeat like most of the dudes I knew. My mom would probably like him, as long as she didn’t see him pulling up with his car blasting the whole street.

I got excited about the idea. I grabbed my phone full of hope and called him.

“Ey, handsome! You good?”

“Hey! How was class? Couldn’t pick up earlier, got tied up here. Sorry.”

When I got out of class, I wanted him to come get me, but he hadn’t answered my calls. I was already kinda irritated, but I decided to bring it up again.

“So… can you come over to my place?”

“Sure. Your mom’s heading out today?” he said, sounding excited.

“I wanted… but no. She’s bugging me, wants to meet you…”

I heard dead silence on the other end of the line.

“Sure, we can set something up. Next week?”

“Next week? If you don’t come before Saturday, she won’t let me go to the motel with you.”

“Got it… it’s just I’m swamped at work, you know?”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“And you can’t swing by for ten minutes to talk to her?”

“But… what does she wanna talk about, Jujube?”

“She just wants to see your face, know who you are.”

“It’s that we’ve only known each other a short time… this is turning into commitment…”

“Commitment? And we don’t have commitment? You fuck me and think I’m what, dude?”

I got really indignant. But deep down, I knew if anyone had other options, it was me. Still, the idea of dating, of having someone just for me, had made me vulnerable. And hearing him hesitate like that gave me a knot in my chest.

“There’s something there, but we’re still getting to know each other…”

I cut him off right away…

“Look, you’ve stuck your dick inside me, you always have your hand on my pussy, what more do you need to know, fuck? You know what? Fuck off! When you grow up, give me a call.”

And I hung up on him. I regretted it right away, of course. I was childish, let my temper flare. Not even a minute later, the phone started ringing, vibrating nonstop in my hand. But I couldn’t answer. I’d decided to see the tantrum through.

“Fuck, I screwed up again!” I yelled in my room, feeling my eyes burn. “I always screw up, holy shit!”

I threw myself on the bed, devastated, just praying my mom hadn’t heard my yell and decided to come back and bug me about it again. I needed to think, and if there was anyone who could help, it was my cousin Mariana. I grabbed the phone and called her, told her what happened, and she said she’d sleep over tonight.

The rest of the day dragged on. I tried to study, but my head wouldn’t work. I’d even forgotten about the plug he’d given me. I could only think about what I’d said, the phone that wouldn’t stop vibrating with his calls, and the mess I’d made.

When Mariana finally came into the room, it was already night. She locked the door behind her with that urgent vibe she always had, tossed her backpack in the corner, and stopped in front of me, looking at me like she was inspecting a dead cat.

“So? You okay?” she asked, sitting next to me on the bed and giving me a quick kiss on the mouth. That was becoming a habit.

“It’s what I told you… my mom wants him to come over, and the asshole bolted. And if he doesn’t come, I won’t be able to go to the motel with him. And I really wanted to go.”

“Hold up, Jujube… are you upset because he doesn’t wanna commit or because you won’t get to fuck him anymore?”

“Both, idiot.”

I said it harsher than I meant to, and she even flinched, pulling back a bit.

“Damn, you bitch! Talk right.”

“Sorry… I’m nervous! What am I gonna do?”

She stayed quiet for a few seconds, staring at the corner of the room like she was having an epiphany. Then she looked back at me with that mischievous smile I knew so well.

“Dude, I have an idea. But you’re gonna have to apologize to him.”

“Apologize? You’re crazy, Mariana? I’m really pissed at him, that’s for sure!”

Mariana sat facing me, grabbing my arm like she wanted to make me shut up.

“Listen. Shut up and listen.” she said, with that serious tone only she could make sound funny. “Call him and say your mom won’t be home tomorrow, and you want him to come over so you can apologize.”

“Cuz, he’s gonna be so mad at me…”

“Let him be! Think about it: if he doesn’t come, your thing together is basically over. If he comes and decides to end it, same deal. So it’s worth the risk, right?”

I stopped to think. It was kinda logical. He might be mad, but at least I’d see the guy again, smell him, feel that touch that made me weak.

“Yeah… you’re right. He’ll be pissed, but at least I’ll get to see him, right.”

“Yeah! And plus, he won’t wanna stop fucking you, right?”

I gave an awkward laugh. The fear of rejection was still there, but the desire to fix it was stronger.

“It’s just I think I’m falling for him a little, you know?”

She raised an eyebrow, smirking.

“And Pedro?”

“What about Pedro, Mariana. He’s a pain, can’t even see me without wanting to drag me off somewhere.”

“And you like it, you slut!”

“Of course!” I replied laughing, pushing her onto the bed and jumping on top.